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I often hear my clients say, “I can’t trust my decision making.” When I hear this, I start to ask them questions about what boundaries looked like in their family growing up, such as, “were you more on the strict/oppressive end of the spectrum where family members were controlled and dependence was promoted, or were you more on the empowering/relaxed end of the spectrum, where individuals were given freedom and independence, and growth was promoted within your family?” When we think of boundaries, we often connect our physical space, such as our bodies, and the space around us to these…

As a therapist, I often work with clients who struggle with guilt or shame. Although we might use shame and guilt interchangeably when we speak , there are some important distinctions between the two. Learning about the distinction between guilt and shame is an important part of our healing journey since it helps us to label our feelings more accurately and hopefully change some of our unhealthy beliefs about ourselves. Guilt is the feeling of discomfort we experience when we do something that goes against our values and for which we feel responsible. Shame , on the other hand , is a deep…

When I started reading about psychology, I was ravenous to “figure everything out”. I could not get enough of learning about our patterns, how to deal with emotions, and to find out how normal I was. I read voraciously for years, believing that if only I had a sense of mastery over my struggles and how to communicate with others effectively, that I would resolve my sense of internal shame. I will let you in on something. A small percentage of the things I have learned and read about have helped – self compassion, understanding myself better, normalizing my experiences, and gaining perspective…

If you or a loved one are suffering from grief, it’s helpful to have an understanding of what to expect. Having understood grief better, it is helpful to have some ways of coping with it or supporting another to cope with it as best as you can. What experiences does grief involve? First of all grief is not just sadness or sorrow. It is normal to have a range of experiences in response to a loss. Normal experiences of grief include rumination, anxiety, anger, guilt, self-doubt and self-blame. It can also include feeling numb, feeling disconnected, feeling forgetful and not being able to think…

The challenge of being seen is that in order to be seen, we need to show our true, messy selves. The self that we aren’t sure others would find acceptable, the one we tell ourselves others might reject or dismiss would need to be shown. Showing up in an authentic, imperfect way is a practice for me. I can be so edited it is like my face becomes one with the mask at times – the mask of perfectionism, of not risking saying the “wrong” thing. It takes repeated effort to chip away at the mask, take risks in small ways with emotionally safe people to trust that its safe out there to be myself…

Three Core Beliefs Caused by Neglect and How It Shows Up Later in Life Being neglected is a very painful and traumatic experience for a child. As human beings, we have brains that are wired to receive love, connection and nurturing from our caregivers when we come into this world. When our caregivers do not respond to our physical and emotional needs, the alarm system in our brain goes off ,which often leads to depression and anxiety later in life. Different Forms of Neglect: Emotional Neglect: Emotional neglect refers to a parents` failure to engage with a child emotionally. This includes not…

Anxiety and depression can often feel like a battle. There may be thoughts that “it shouldn’t be happening” or that “you should be able to overcome this”. Ongoing anxiety and depression trigger natural responses to fight, escape or give up - but none of these responses seem to work. In fact, these responses keep anxiety and depression in place. There is another option that brings you back into your power - allowing. The battle ends when depression and anxiety are no longer seen as a battle.

People often turn to their friends for support with difficulties in their romantic relationship and bluntly ask for their opinion. Rarely, if ever, does any good come from providing candid opinions about others’ relationships – particularly when the stakes are high (if they’ve been together for a long time or have children, for example). Some of the difficult-category questions we receive may range from ‘do you like my partner’ to ‘should I stay with them’ or ‘do you think they are cheating?’. The best general advice? Keep your unfiltered and unedited opinions to yourself. And if you feel…

So you or someone you love is a student working online….at the clinic we find that students have been hit pretty hard with mental health challenges since the pandemic including increased anxiety, loneliness, and even hopelessness. It’s been hard to adapt to online learning and stay inspired! For online learning, you have to set boundaries, limits, and goals for yourself. It’s up to you to design the structure in your daily life for your studies, physical movement, and social connection. Now, this is way more responsibility than pre-pandemic learning time when much of this was built into daily…

Mindfulness can be defined as the action to observe what is happening while it is happening, in a non-judgmental and non-reactive way. While practicing mindfulness, you learn to pay attention to external stimuli (what you see, hear, touch, smell or taste) as well as internal stimuli (your body sensations, emotions and thoughts). One way to practice mindfulness is through mindful eating. Science tells us being intentionally and actively mindful has so many positive benefits on our psychological health. These include, but are not limited to; reduction of stress, reduced rumination, decreased…