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You notice you’re struggling to say ‘no’ when friends, family members, co-workers, your partner or even your kids need something. Your head wants to say ‘yes’ to their request. But your heart (emotions, energy, joy) might be noticing it’s feeling more resentful than joyful. You often say yes anyway, because that’s what people expect and if you don’t do (fill-in-the-blank), who will? (This is an inner thought you might have noticed.) You have tried to cultivate boundaries before, but others have ignored them, or you’ve felt guilty and decided that it’s easier to do what others ask than decline…

October is breast cancer awareness month. Having worked with breast cancer patients since 2017, I have heard from so many patients about how this disease has impacted them. I thought I would share a few themes that I have noticed over the years (in no particular order): Navigating the medical system can be confusing and/or stressful – With a diagnosis of breast cancer, patients can find themselves with multiple doctors and medical professionals involved in their care. It is typical to have a surgeon/specialist, a medical oncologist (a doctor who prescribes chemotherapy if needed and monitors…

You might notice that at times, in particular with your partner, you just don't seem to connect well. Arguments that started out of nowhere, leave you feeling like you're spinning. When you're noticing a rupture after an argument, the way you try to reconnect or repair it and the way your friend or partner might try to do so, causes more miscommunication than you before you made this attempt. So disheartening! This is most likely a product of your early childhood experiences...of what happened to you. Whether you are aware or not, the way you were cared for and connected with your early…

Somatic Experiencing is a gentle, yet powerful and effective approach for resolving symptoms of trauma and relieving chronic anxiety and stress. Instead of just talking about the problem, this is a “bottom-up” way of processing. This means we’re inviting the body’s information and the body’s intelligence to come into our awareness and be a part of the process, encouraging and creating space for our body’s natural ability to heal. How we Get Stuck When we feel like our life is threatened (whether real or imagined) or if we have chronic stress over a long period of time, our bodies are designed…

Brainspotting combines elements of neuroscience and body-based therapy to identify and target “brainspots”. Brainspots are areas of the brain believed to contain traumatic memories and responses. Through the use of eye movements, a trained therapist assists the client in confronting and releasing emotional blocks and traumas, while through helping them to reconnect with their emotional self. Brainspotting is based uses the eyes to gently release emotional memories that stored in the brain. The movement of the eyes can help locate these memories and release them. . During a brainspotting…

J reported that he has been being harassed by his co-worker for the last two years as retaliation after a prior minor conflict. The patterns of harassment involve humiliation, intimidation, offensive behaviors and statements, spreading of groundless rumors, and so on. The bully tries to intimidate J by constantly giving J nasty looks and gestures as if he is going to hurt him, or waiting for J to fail at something so he can report it to the manager. J does not feel safe in front of the bully, as he is targeted. The bully would brag about his power, that he could harm J in different ways or get…

Recently when I was doing some continuing ed, I was reading an article on Shame and Humiliation in relationship to childhood abuse. (If you want to know: It was published in the Journal of Trauma & Dissociation by the ISSTD and written by Martin Dorahy in 2017.) It was quite a fascinating read, I must say! It showed clearly the difference between experiencing shame and humiliation especially in relation to abuse. And it was quite eye-opening the difference. Dorahy makes the difference this way: "In shame, the self is the failure and others may reject or be critical of this exposed, flawed self…

Do you ever feel anxious, or embarrassed when meeting a new person? How about when you drive over a bridge, or go on a plane, or when you sit in the passenger seat of a car – do you get a bit nervous? ALL of these experiences originate in a trauma! And more often than not, they are what we refer to as a ‘small t’ trauma (as opposed to a ‘big T’ trauma). If a ‘big T’ trauma is abuse, neglect or a serious injury, a ‘small t’ trauma can be a friend not wanting to sit next to you on the school bus, giving the wrong answer in class, struggling through homework, falling off your bike, or being…