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I remember 10 years ago training in Internal Family Systems and using it for myself and for my clients. It wasn't a technique that was on many people's radar. But I found it very helpful personally as well as professionally. It was great to have a positive silver lining for all the parts of the clients that they were not fully proud of. It was great to have a compassion-based method that worked to help people be more present and themselves. And it helped to process trauma. In Internal Family Systems we are looking at the individual as a sum of parts. It's kind of like that movie, Inside Out…

Did you know that many people are helped by seeing a Counsellor while going through developmental changes? In our lifetime we experience many developmental periods such as: Going through Puberty. Transitioning to Adulthood. Moving in with a Partner. Becoming New Parents. Empty Nesting. Caring for Aging Parents. Transitioning to peri-menopause and menopause. Transitioning to Retirement. Preparing for Death and Dying. These times in our life can be full of learning and change and so part of that is exciting. However, the learning curve can be so steep that things start to feel overwhelming…

Do you notice you are thinking (and caring) too much about what others are doing? Do you change often change your behaviour due to the influence of others? Are you cutting off friends due to their differing beliefs or values? Do you let your parents' comments influence your opinion of your romantic partner? Enmeshment is a psychological term that describes a blurring, or lack of, boundaries between people. Many times it occurs in families. Adult children engage in behaviours they don't want to because of their feelings of guilt about what their parents will think of them. Having an opinion…

Break ups can be very hard. It is normal to experience feelings that change a lot. People describe an emotional "whiplash," with feelings changing every hour. You may miss her and romanticize what the relationship was. Then an hour later you may experience anger at her and remember all the bad parts of the relationship. This kind of whiplash is normal but can be uncomfortable. One activity that can help process through this grief in a more structured and comfortable way is the flashcard exercise. Get a ring of flashcards. On one side of the flashcard write something you miss about him. Maybe…

So, you have traits of ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder). Welcome! In recent months the number of people reporting traits of ADHD in my practice has increased considerably. While a clinical counsellor cannot diagnose ADHD (you'd want to see a GP, psychiatrist or psychologist for that) what they can do is support you in your journey and treat your symptoms (sometimes alongside another treatment provider). ADHD will affect one person very differently from another. Whether you have all of the traits of ADHD or just a few here are 3 examples of ways in which seeing a counsellor can…

Finding yourself ruminating? Thinking about people in a negative way? Or having critical thoughts about your own behaviour? Thinking on things is normal. But if you are ruminating for so much of the day that it is getting in the way of being able to complete daily tasks like focusing at work or school, exercising, parenting or putting time into your friendships or marriage then the ruminating might be worth treating. Come in and learn what is causing the increase in rumination. Perhaps it's a feeling of being wronged. Increasing our understanding of our own thoughts and behaviour helps reduce…

Are you feeling stifled in your relationship? Not sure if you are in love anymore? Having an increased frequency of arguments? You might be in the stage of your relationship where you're negotiating your needs with your partner's needs. Couples Experts Ellyn Bader and her partner Peter saw over 50, 000 couples in the United States and created the Developmental Model of Couple Relationships: A Positive Outlook on How Relationships Develop. In the beginning of the relationship it's common to feel like there's so much similarity between us, almost like we grew up together. The lovely bonding…

Do you find yourself easily thrown off? If something goes wrong at work are you ruminating for days or weeks? If you don't get a text returned do you feel so hurt that you can't study, go to the gym or even get out of bed? Making space for feelings is important, yes. In recent years, however, I see an increased number of people who are suffering from an inability to gather themselves, to muster, to gain perspective, and to carry on. If this resonates with you keep reading. How do we get grit? Here are some tools to add to your belt to help you increase your mental strength: (1) Get in their…

Let's do a check-in: Are you where you want to be in life- Financially? Romantically? Parenthood- or Career-wise? If yes, great. If not, what's gotten in the way? Two actions need to be practiced to get to living the life you want. First is knowing what your goal is. And that takes defining what you want and with a timeline. For example, "I'd like to own a home by the time I am 40". Or "I want to give birth to my first child before my 35th birthday." If this is easy for you, great. If not, perhaps you haven't had enough practice exploring what you want and deciding your own goals, and with a…

Are you getting burnt out by someone in your life? Do you feel resentment towards them? Are you exhausted? Do you feel guilty for not being able to maintain a lot of contact with them? Ask yourself this: Are you good at setting boundaries with others? Setting boundaries with others is a healthy way to preserve a relationship. When we constantly go beyond our limit with others we end up feeling resentful and wanting to avoid contact. We stay on the phone longer than we'd like, or spend money we don't have on them, or always go over to their house. Where did you learn that in order to sustain a…