From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: Healing Shame Through Therapy

From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: Healing Shame Through Therapy

Many of us are our own harshest critics. The voice inside our head might say things like:
“You should have known better.”
“You always mess things up.”
“You’re not good enough.”

This inner critic can feel relentless—and often, it’s rooted in shame.

The Roots of Shame

Shame often begins early, in the context of relationships. When children feel unsafe, unloved, or that they have to perform to be accepted, they may start to believe something is wrong with them. These early experiences can create deep attachment wounds and leave lasting impressions:

• “I’m unworthy.”
• “I’m unlovable.”
• “I don’t belong.”

As adults, these messages can still echo in the mind, influencing our thoughts, emotions, and even how we relate to others.

How Shame Shows Up in the Body

Shame doesn’t just affect our thoughts—it lives in the body. Clients often describe feeling:

• A heaviness in the chest or stomach
• A desire to shrink, hide, or avoid eye contact
• Tightness in the throat or shoulders
• A sense of being “small” or frozen

The body remembers what it felt like to be shamed or rejected, and those sensations can get triggered even in safe situations.

Replacing Shame with Compassion

Healing shame is possible. In therapy, we create a compassionate, non-judgmental space where shame can be acknowledged and understood.

Some of the ways therapy helps include:

• Attachment-focused work: Building a safe, trusting relationship where new experiences of acceptance can form.
• Somatic therapy: Learning to notice shame’s physical sensations and gently bringing regulation and safety to the body.
• Internal work: Meeting the inner critic with curiosity, and discovering that beneath it are parts longing for protection, care, and connection.

Over time, clients begin to shift from harsh self-criticism to kindness and understanding.

The Faith Perspective: You Are Beloved

For those who wish to integrate faith, shame healing can become a deeply spiritual journey. Christianity teaches that every person is created in the image of God and is inherently worthy of love.

As Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems, says: “There are no bad parts.” Even the inner critic is trying, in its own way, to protect us. Through therapy and prayer, we can invite God’s truth into these wounded places:

• We are not defined by our worst mistakes.
• We are not beyond redemption.
• We are loved, exactly as we are.

Psalm 34:5 reminds us: “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”

Moving Toward Compassion

Shame tells us to hide—but healing happens when we gently bring shame into the light. When body, mind, and spirit begin to experience safety, compassion naturally grows.

You deserve to feel at home in yourself—to move from self-criticism to self-compassion, from hiding to connection, from shame to freedom. Therapy can be the first step toward that journey.