Parenting Kids with Anxiety: Finding Balance in the Storm

Watching your child struggle with anxiety can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences as a parent. You want to fix it, to make it disappear, to offer the reassurance that everything will be okay. But anxiety doesn’t simply go away because we wish it would. 

Common Childhood Anxieties

Anxiety can show up in many ways, and while every child is different, some common childhood fears include:

• Fear of separation from parents (separation anxiety)
• Worries about school, tests, or social situations
• Fear of the dark or sleeping alone
• Intense fear of specific things (e.g., dogs, insects, germs)
• Generalized worry about the future or bad things happening
• Fear of illness or health-related concerns (e.g., excessive worry about getting sick)

When Anxiety Takes Over Family Life

A child’s anxiety can sometimes feel like the dominant force in the household. Routines, outings, and even simple day-to-day activities might revolve around managing their fears and worries. When so much energy is spent on one child’s needs, it can be easy for siblings to feel left out, or for parental relationships to become strained under the weight of the constant emotional labor. One of the biggest challenges can be when parents don’t see eye to eye on how to support their anxious child. One parent may feel that encouraging exposure and independence is the best approach, while the other may lean more toward reassurance and comfort. These differences in parenting styles can lead to tension in the household, making an already stressful situation even harder.

Finding a Supportive Approach

When faced with an anxious child, it’s natural to want to shield them from distress. While reassurance and avoidance might provide short-term relief, they can sometimes reinforce anxiety in the long run. Instead, parents can take a balanced approach—offering warmth and support while gently encouraging their child to face their fears at a manageable pace.

The SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) model, developed by Dr. Eli Lebowitz at Yale University, suggests reducing excessive accommodations that cater to a child's anxiety while maintaining emotional support. This means acknowledging your child's worries but not always changing routines or avoiding situations to accommodate their fears. Small, gradual steps can help build resilience and confidence over time.

Parenting a child with anxiety is tough. It’s okay to feel exhausted, to feel unsure, to worry if you’re doing it "right." If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Speaking with a therapist can provide additional guidance tailored to your family’s unique needs. Professional support can offer clarity, tools, and reassurance to help you navigate this challenging but important journey.