What is Dissociation?

As trauma, trauma symptoms, and trauma therapy are showing up on social media more often, dissociation is becoming a more common term that people are recognizing in themselves and starting to talk about. Here’s some information on why it’s an important symptom to understand and to treat.

First, how do you say it?

Dis-So-She-A-Shun

Some people add an extra A to make: Dis-A-So-She-A-Shun

Let’s leave out that extra A.

What is Dissociation?

Dissociation is truly the opposite of association.  It’s a disconnection.

Dissociation is feeling like you’re not aware of what’s going on around you.  Everyone dissociates to some degree every day.  It’s a very normal thing to do.  There are different degrees of dissociation.  There can be different frequencies of dissociating, with some people being just a little bit “not here” a few times each day all the way to people not remembering parts of what happened in the day, and everywhere in between.

Normal checking out that IS NOT dissociation includes:

Not listening to what the teacher is saying because you already know the material

Not listening to your spouse talk about work because you can’t follow the information

Not really watching the football game that you are “watching” with your boyfriend because you don’t like football

Not catching the ball that’s flying towards you because you’re watching the crows fight over some food they found

Having trouble concentrating at work because you didn’t get enough sleep

These examples are simply boredom, disinterest, distraction, or fatigue.  They are not dissociation.

Normal dissociation includes:

Driving home on autopilot (not the car’s function, but your brain’s function)

A wandering mind while you’re reading or watching TV

Scrolling and not really noticing what you’re seeing

Failing to notice where you put down your keys

A little more dissociation looks like:

Answering routine questions from someone you live with without really thinking about the answer.  (“Do you want pizza tonight?”  “Sure.” “Do you want anchovies?”  “Sure.”)

Agreeing with information a family member just told you without registering the information

Daydreaming in class to the point that you don’t know what was taught at all

Not noticing that you’re too warm or cold or that the air is stuffy

Not noticing that someone is talking to you

A whole bunch of dissociation looks like:

Having no memory for parts of your day

Your items often go missing

It’s impossible to establish a routine

Feel like you’re only partially “here”

Feeling detached from your daily activities, like you’re just going through the motions

Feeling like a past event is actually happening right now (a flashback)

Engaging in an addictive behavior and not at all noticing the lead up to the behavior

Not feeling physical pain when you really should be feeling it

Dissociation comes on a spectrum, from just the everyday lapses to fully losing connection with the present moment.  You see this in people around you all the time, and it’s quite normal. Your whole team at work probably just knows that if you want John to respond in a meeting, you have to say his name. Or maybe Linda can stay “present” for the first half of the meeting, and after that she doesn’t really contribute anything else.  You might find that if you have standing meetings, everyone stays more focused and involved in the meeting.  That’s all totally normal.  Annoying maybe, but normal.

Dissociation is problematic if it’s preventing you from protecting yourself or from engaging in your life in the way you’d like to.  It’s also a problem if it’s stressful for you, like flashbacks of distressing memories.  Let’s say that you go to a party and promptly dissociate strongly. Perhaps you get super nervous in groups of people or maybe there was a trauma that happened to you at a previous party.  Since you are dissociated, it’ll be much harder to make your best decisions about what food, beverages, or substances you consume.  You might suddenly realize that someone is hurting you or that you are in the middle of doing something risky.  Even when you’re at a party or doing any other enjoyable activity, surely you’d prefer to be able to make your own choices about your own safety. Dissociating, while intended to protect, isn’t actually all that protective.

The protection that dissociation offers works best when all you can do is play dead.  This is the main go-to for lizards and babies.  For the rest of us, the vast majority of the time, it’s a habit that was probably started early in life that doesn’t serve us quite so well anymore. It decreases our ability to be our full selves, fully engaged with our own lives.  It decreases the likelihood that we’ll make great, protective choices for ourselves.

It also changes how we record memory, resulting in some parts of those dissociated memories not getting processed.  Why should we care about how memory is processed?  Because unprocessed memories stay active and open, increasing stress, anxiety, and depression.  When memories aren’t fully processed, it’s like having too many tabs open on a PC.  Things start to get bogged down and non-responsive.

If you are dissociating tons, that doesn’t mean that you’re broken.  Dissociation is a way that your brain has been working to help you get through very difficult moments.  At the high end of the dissociation spectrum is Dissociative Identity Disorder.  This is not some scary, crazy disorder like you may have seen on TV or in movies.  DID is more common than you’d think; and people with DID are typically leading very ordinary lives, just with more effort.  DID is treatable.

Dissociative Identity Disorder can look like:

Finding things in your possession that you don’t remember acquiring

People seem to know you, but you have no memory of them

Different handwriting on different days

Suddenly realize you don’t know how you got to this place

Truly cannot find your vehicle

Medical conditions come and go in unexpected ways

Hearing internal chatter

Feel like you’re about to say something and then the thought is taken away from you

Feeling like you are not real or like the world isn’t real

All dissociation is treatable.  The treatment is not harsh or weird.  The antidote to dissociation is connection.  The more you’ve been dissociating, the more that connecting might not sound like a fantastic idea.  That’s normal.  When treating dissociation, nothing is forced.  We go at your speed.

In sessions, we practice:

Being present, also called grounding

Noticing what happens when we’re present (being present doesn’t kill us, who knew?)

Noticing that the past is over now

Connecting internally

Building internal trust

Working with internal consent

Noticing and feeling emotions

Connecting with others

Clear communication

If any level of dissociation sounds like your life, then let’s chat.  You can start with a free, 15-minute consult to ask any questions that you might have about this work.  Life can be easier, more connected, and more fulfilling.

Michelle Waters, MA, RCC, CCC, is a trauma psychotherapist in South Surrey, BC.  She uses Lifespan Integration and parts work to bring lasting change to her clients. Michelle specializes in helping clients recover from serious trauma, emotional neglect, and eating disorders. You can find her at https://www.pacificwaterscounselling.com.